Kamis, 10 Mei 2018

There is a Big Hole in the Shape of My Heart

This is the first time I write about friends instead of a crush in this blog. Maybe because the defect was already too deep, or the scar already is visible, or I who can't hold any longer. It happened since a long time ago, the feeling of doubtfulness. I was doubt if this would last long enough. I felt so happy, too impossibly happy being with them, and I was kinda so proud of having them. It's because they are so genuinely kind and smart, reaching my level of madness, and so may goodness in many particular ways. But things I ever forgot is, they already had their own world, with so many people inside, far before they met me- and I think in my deepest heart, I kinda prevented them from meeting those people or from having their world back again.
And so here I am, alone, being left, with all people had already come back to the world where they had begun. I am here, stoned in the corner, crying, regretting from falling in love with the people somebody else had.

Things got complicated, I think, ever since people start fell for each other in this group of friends. It ruined everything. One had left, and made another become silent. One had broke another's heart and made the two become silent. One had made another one uncomfortable and also made that two become silent.
It's a lonely room, and everyone left but me.

I already put my heart into them, and now they are breaking me apart. I am the one who always tried my best to putting everything together, making sure they make up after the fight, and planning things to go out. I call them home, and everyone is leaving home.

Things really got complicated, people leave, even without saying goodbye. Things are changing in front of your eyes and they don't even have a second to look at you to make a farewell. World are disaster, with me in it, with no gut to trust other people anymore.

Jumat, 30 Maret 2018

Fisiologi Rindu

Aku merindukanmu
Dengan seluruh helaan tarikan nafas, degup aliran jantung, aku merindukanmu
Ku biarkan rindu itu menyusuri tubuhku
Lalu di setiap tawa kikik, gurat cemas, air mata, aku juga merindukanmu
Garis senyummu, kerut keningmu, suaramu, menghidupi nyawa-nyawa di hatiku
Entah jika suatu hari kita akhirnya bertemu
Aku rasa aku bisa mati,
Karena seluruh tubuhku tak menyanggupi hantaman energi besar atas kehadiranmu

Senin, 26 Maret 2018

Senyumanmu

Mari kita bermain peran
Siapa dari kita yang mulai jatuh cinta lebih dulu
Dia yang kalah

Tapi dengan satu syarat,
Kamu jangan tersenyum

Minggu, 26 November 2017

Epilog

Malam hari yang biasa,
Ada fotomu, tiba-tiba muncul
Tersenyum lebar,
Seperti biasa,
Dirangkul seorang wanita,
Namun tak biasa

Tapi kamu tersenyum lebar,
kuharap itu tak biasa
Kamu bahagia,
kuharap itu terpaksa
Tapi kamu suka,
harap-harapku bebas sudah

Selasa, 21 November 2017

Prolog

Siang hari, sejengkal matahari dari bumi
Langkah kaki, dinding kaca
Tempat kita beribadah
Duduk kamu, menekuk kaki, memegang tali temali,
sepatumu

Langkah kaki, dinding kaca
Kantin kampus
Aku dan kamu
Awal mula bertemu

Bayanganku kulihat di dinding kaca
Dinding kaca, disamping kamu beribadah, 
Siang itu,
Setelah itu,
Kamu duduk, menekuk kaki, memegang tali temali

Bayanganmu kulihat di dinding kaca
Kamu tak tahu
Tapi aku tahu
Sepanjang dinding kaca itu ada
Sepanjang itu aku berjalan memandangi dinding kaca
Sepanjang itu aku memandangi kamu,
Yang sepanjang itu terus memandangi aku

Dan aku malu

Selasa, 16 Mei 2017

Me Looking Back Myself Before 20

I used to think that I could never reach 20's. 20's seems so grown up, so mature, bring all the responsibilities, stuff I don't wan't to face. But then I reach 20's whatsoever, and it feels strange looking back to a person I've become.
I kinda more like the before-me than the present-me. I used to be brave, nothing scared me, I talked to everyone without feeling desperate of myself, being straight to what I want, and being focus for just one thing. My family was always on my number one list, I made friends so easily, I was so cheerful, humble, and forgave everyone before they apologize. I saw people loved me the way I behave and I loved them back. It was just a very heavenly world to me full of generous people.

Rabu, 26 Oktober 2016

Reply 2014 | Flashback SMA

Pagi
Selalu telat bangun. Selalu. Always. Bangun jam setengah 6, setelah dijerit-jeriti oleh mamak dari luar pintu, atau kalau gak mempan, pintunya ikut digedor-gedor. Padahal malamnya gak begadang, tapi selalu gak mempan sama alarm hp, mempannya sama alarm suara mamak.
Langsung gosok gigi dan wudhu kemudian sholat subuh, sarapan pagi, kemudian mandi. Mandi, selalu jam 7. Selesainya,7.15. Bedandannya sampe 7.20, pake kaus kaki, sepatu, isi botol minum, siapin roster hari itu (pastinya dengan jumpalitan karena dah hampir setengah 8), dan berangkatlah dari rumah jam 7.25.
Berangkat dari rumah dianter Bapak, naik kereta bonceng tiga sama teguh. Kalau naik mobil udah dipastikan gak akan terkejar karena jam segitu jalan sudah macet parah. Bapak bawa kereta dengan super bolt, dan sampailah di depan sekolah pukul 7.35.

Hampir setiap hari lari-lari karena takut gerbang ditutup. Kalo jumpa sama Bu LP selalu diledekin, "Hei kamu Khairunisa, sudah kelas 3 masih saja terlambat!"
Dalam hati: "Bu, justru karena kelas 3 lah makanya sy terlmbat, karena pasti gak dihukum lagi,"
Sampai suatu saat, keterlambatanku sudah sangat lewat menitnya, jadinya tepaksa bersihkan kaca perpustakaan, pake koran._. Cuma satu nako aja, abis itu lari naik ke kelas. Wkwkwkwk

Di sekolah
Duduk paling depan lorong nomer 3 dari kiri. Duduk semeja sama mila, di meja sebelah kiri ada liana dan miya, di meja sebelah kanan ada oyen dan si tukang galau dicky, di belakang ada poe dan beby. Kisah di sekolah kelas 3 berkutat pelik dengan sbmptn. Setiap hari bawa buku soal GO yang setebal kamus dorland, bahas habis bareng mila. Dulu, bahas soal itu menyenangkan, sekarang bahas soal bikin mual.
Kegiatan bersama mila tidak lain dan tidak bukan adalah..... ngejekin guru.
Setiap guru di smansa adalah guru-guru terpilih yang memilki keunikan tersendiri yg sangat cocok kami jadikan bahan lawakan.